Forty-Two
by RogueMudblood
Summary: (AU, Super Mario Galaxy 2) Ever wonder what goes through Mario's head right before he falls into the abyss?
1. Scuttlebugs Are From Hell

_Disclaimer: I do not own any of the numerous Mario enterprises. I make no profit from this work of fiction._

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_Author's note:_ These chapters will be flashfics – meaning they're intended to be short (under 1000 words).

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><p>I never did like heights.<p>

Staring down into the black abyss, I could feel the sweat beading up on my forehead. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath to steel myself before opening them once more. When I was finally able to keep myself from thinking about the distance between the extremely thin platform on which I stood and the ground … wherever that might possibly be. I certainly couldn't _see_ any land.

Typical, I suppose, since I was having to traverse _space_.

I don't understand why that woman finds it necessary to get kidnapped off to the strangest of places. Bowser's castle was one thing. But now she was letting herself get taken to the ends of the known universe!

That, of course, was when it dawned on me that my eyes were open. I rolled them at my own stupidity before continuing forward. The rule around here seemed to be feed a luma, get a galaxy pass. So I had to go off on these weird side trips to find enough food for those allegedly helpful creatures.

The good news, so far, was that there were no Goombas in this particular place. I had always hated those critters. I always wanted to squeal like a girl when I landed on one. The guts would squish out under my boots, making the fur stick on the underside. The smell was nearly impossible to get out of the leather soles, too.

Unfortunately, there seemed to be a great many of these enormous, disgusting, four-legged horrors. Beady yellow eyes stared at me as I climbed up the massive platforms – how did these things just hover out here in space, anyway? – waiting for me to get close enough to pounce on me. Inwardly, I laughed at that. The idea that any insipid insect would be able to simply flatten me with how many times I had avoided thwomps and other horrors was hilarious.

Of course, that was the last thought that flashed in my mind as I fell off the side of the stone walkway and out into space. I hadn't noticed the nasty four-legged critter sneaking up behind me while I was focusing on the beady yellow eyes in front of me. Overconfidence is a horrible thing.

As I fell rapidly into the blackness, the cold air numbing my body as I rapidly descended into the abyss, the last thought that came through my mind before I felt myself succumb was that scuttlebugs came from hell.


	2. Yoshis Are Stubborn

_Disclaimer: I do not own any of the numerous Mario enterprises. I make no profit from this work of fiction._

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_Author's note:_ These chapters will be flashfics – meaning they're intended to be short (under 1000 words).

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><p>Riding on a dinosaur sounds like fun to a kid. I know better.<p>

They once came in different colors. I always hated the yellow ones. So much more dust than what I could possibly stand to breathe in kicked up in a cloud every time the ugly thing landed. I wrinkled my nose just thinking about it.

The blue ones weren't much fun either. It was bad enough when I had to fly on my own. Cape, tail, cloudsuit – any one of them made me shudder. If I didn't have to spend so much time on silly little dalliances in order to curry favor with those who were meant to help me, I would keep my feet firmly on the ground.

But those blue monsters – they always liked to grunt and act like they were rapidly losing altitude. It wasn't funny, but they thought it was _hilarious_.

The red ones stayed on the ground, but they breathed fire all the time. I do mean _all _the time. Take my advice – _don't_ have flatulence near a fire-breathing Yoshi. Hold it in. There is nothing more embarrassing than having a hole burned in the bottom of one's britches because of gas that a dinosaur lit up like a Roman candle.

Thankfully, here, there were only green ones. They eat things, swallow them and pop out eggs... or egg-shaped nasty things I don't want to think about. If it is the latter, at least it's inside a shell so I can't smell it.

Even so, they didn't like to run along a track any more than any other critter I'd ever come across. Unfortunately, when the ground – if a rotating log could be called ground – was shifting underneath and not staying on the path was the same as jumping off a cliff, that type of behavior was a death sentence.

I kept yanking hard on the reigns, turning him back to the path. I guess the green fellow had endured as much as he wanted to, because when we came to the knot I needed him to walk _around_, he just kept plodding right into it. When the log rotated, I swore I heard him snickering as he lost traction and we fell into the abyss.

The last thought that went through my mind as free fall pulled me from the saddle was to wonder why I hadn't simply jumped off of him and let him fall off on his own.


	3. Science Sucks

_Disclaimer: I do not own any of the numerous Mario enterprises. I make no profit from this work of fiction._

_Reviews are welcome. I'd love to hear from you! Review responses will be posted on my Facebook page:_

_FB URL /pages/RogueMudblood/684906514892205/_

_Author's note:_ These chapters will be flashfics – meaning they're intended to be short (under 1000 words).

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><p>If there were ever a place where I wanted to fly and not have to land on this crazy journey, it would be this insane fortress.<p>

Strangely enough, I had to ride an enormous dandelion seedling over the top of a volcano. Who builds a castle _inside_ a volcano? At some point, magma is bound to flood, and then there's absolutely nothing left. Just seems like a lot of wasted effort to me.

Unfortunately for me, it apparently isn't that strange for Bowser. Of course, I've long thought he was a little off his nut. Why else would anyone continue to kidnap the same person repeatedly, despite the fact that they always lose their bounty?

The most terrifying thing about riding a seedling – from the bottom end, mind – is not the idea that eventually it's going to land. No, it's the idea that, when those feathery tufts stop flying off the top, land is going to come up to meet the object falling toward it. And I'm not talking about the nearly-weightless seedling.

So when I finally started to notice those little tufts flying past my face and looked up to see the body of my "transportation" nearly completely dissolved, I panicked. A perfectly normal reaction – or so I tried to tell myself as I vainly puffed my cheeks and exhaled skyward. Not my best idea. The only thing I succeeded in doing was loosening more of those pieces.

Glancing down, I saw the ground approaching quickly. I know it's not manly, but there wasn't anyone to hear me. I shrieked and began flailing a bit.

The feathery tufts were floating down gently, as though they hadn't just abandoned me to death-by-gravity. As I glared at them, one of them burst into flame. That was a new feat – even for me.

Of course, even as I had that thought, I finally registered the roaring sound behind me. I spun around quickly. Unfortunately for me, it was a little _too_ quickly.

My eyes got wider before I narrowed them in irritation. "Helpful" Lumas, they said. Lying little miscreants. Not one of them warned me that there would be a _corner _of lava here.

The fifteen feet distance between my feet and the ground kept me from letting go when I should have. I was a second too late.

Momentum carried me into the wall. My last thought before the searing agony of my flesh melting was simply that science sucks.


	4. One-Leafed Advice is Bad

_Disclaimer: I do not own any of the numerous Mario enterprises. I make no profit from this work of fiction._

_Reviews are welcome. I'd love to hear from you! Review responses will be posted on my Facebook page:_

_FB URL /pages/RogueMudblood/684906514892205/_

_Author's note:_ These chapters will be flashfics – meaning they're intended to be short (under 1000 words).

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><p>Judging distances is very important.<p>

The tiny talking tree didn't mention the part where I'd have to retrace every single one of my previous journeys just to find those medallions. Why those little wooden menaces didn't see fit to tell me _that _part of their "we need a comet!" speech I can well guess. If they had, I certainly wouldn't have been willing to re-enter the menace of stone rapidly rotating around the swirling streams of certain death.

Needless to say, I was standing on that horrible carnation granite – who in their right mind makes _pink _stones? – waiting for that perfect moment to jump, and cursing the single leaf sprouting from that wooden curmudgeon's skull. If I had thought about it at the time, I might have realized that a single leaf probably meant he only had a single brain cell. Sadly, I had erroneously assumed that helping these critters would mean I'd be helping _myself_ get one step closer to finding the princess so I could go _home_. I didn't even want any cake. I just wanted a hot shower and a soft bed.

When I _finally _managed to get my feet solidly on the speeding slate grey slabs, I groaned when I realized the spinning medal was hanging just beyond the reach of the stone. It lurched to a stop, almost sending me over the edge and into the waiting rapids below. I was grateful for all the practice I've had in balancing. And for the fact that my hat didn't fall off my head. Heaven knows explaining that balding spot the first time I went out without the thing was awkward enough.

I braced my feet a little better as it moved on its track, faster than a typewriter carriage. Waiting for that medallion to line up exactly was a vain exercise, and one I frankly didn't want to spend the time on. I kept my knees bent, waiting for the moment just before it stopped.

It wasn't missing the medallion that bothered me as much as landing in the water when I fell.

From above, the swirling streams had seemed to be moving pretty swiftly. Perhaps it was the "life flashing before my eyes" phenomenon that made it seem otherwise. But once I was just underneath that slate grey bar, I tried to move in that river as though it were made of nothing more than air.

Unfortunately it wasn't. And suddenly that spinning medallion seemed to be snickering as it waved at me with each turn. When the rushing current finally pushed me beyond any possibility of reaching the circling stones again, I grimaced at the thought of being swallowed up by the black abyss I was rushing toward.

My last conscious thought was that I pretty much deserved that fate for listening to a _tree _to begin with.


	5. Toads Are Hateful

_Disclaimer: I do not own any of the numerous Mario enterprises. I make no profit from this work of fiction._

_Reviews are welcome. I'd love to hear from you! Review responses will be posted on my Facebook page:_

_FB URL /pages/RogueMudblood/684906514892205/_

_Author's note:_ These chapters will be flashfics – meaning they're intended to be short (under 1000 words).

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><p>Balancing isn't easy.<p>

As an adult, I couldn't remember being an infant, or those first moments when I had hoisted myself up onto two feet, using the edge of some piece of furniture or other. The memory of trying to walk without support escaped me. Standing on the orange sphere was probably comparable, though.

The rails had helped. At least in that respect, there was a guide to the insane idea of standing on a _ball _in order to collect _coins_.

"You'll need that for speed," they had said. I'd have preferred a cape. Or a fast flower if the issue was simply getting to the end quickly. It was clear to me that the problem was _really_ that they wanted to see the ball roll over my head when I fell off of it.

I fooled them though – managed to stay on with no difficulty. Staying on the ball, though, that wasn't the problem.

It wasn't difficult enough to their thinking, forcing me to balance on a ball on a track with no guardrails that I was sure had a huge jump somewhere in it. They could have at least told me about the Bob-ombs.

No, I had to come upon those by chance. I managed to avoid the first two. Sweat dripped down from my face, landing on the ball's surface when I leaned over to see if there were any more hiding in front of me. Of course, that made my already precarious balance falter when my shoe slipped in it.

The ball rolled forward just enough, touching that sensitive little fuse.

I tried to slide off the ball. Since I'd already lost my balance, I was laying on the curved surface on my stomach. Unfortunately, my hands couldn't get enough traction to allow me to push against it, and the surface wasn't slick enough for my belly to simply slide down. Bad enough to do a belly-flop, but not being able to get back up – or even simply change positions was embarrassing.

Fortunately, I didn't have to worry about anyone seeing my terrible predicament. The Bob-omb exploded, sending the ball flying up into the air with me along for the ride. As it came back down, it tilted just enough to keep me from being able to reach the platform if I had managed to jump.

As I watched the track get further away, my last thought was how much I wished I had done what I always wanted to when that Toad decided to deliver that horrible pun and wrung his scrawny little neck.


	6. Never Pluck a Fluzzard

_Disclaimer: I do not own any of the numerous Mario enterprises. I make no profit from this work of fiction._

_Reviews are welcome. I'd love to hear from you! Review responses will be posted on my Facebook page:_

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_Author's note:_ These chapters will be flashfics – meaning they're intended to be short (under 1000 words).

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><p>I hate birds.<p>

It was a decision I had come to long ago – not liking heights very much. It wasn't that I've ever envied a bird its freedom from fear when free falling towards the earth. Somehow, any time I saw a bird, I knew one day, I'd be at its mercy.

That day had finally come.

Riding on a huge Sand Bird was nothing compared to holding on to the feet of a Fluzzard. This bird wasn't even doing me the courtesy of flying. No, it was just _gliding_ along, and I had to hope it wasn't going to run me into a wall.

I closed my eyes, at the mercy of this hunk of feathers above me gliding me through narrow spaces at terrifying speeds. My feet impacted with something below. The pain shooting through me forced my eyes open. Seeing another object approaching far too quickly near my danging limbs, I took a chance on reaching up to the bird's body and trying to get its attention.

In hindsight, plucking its contour feathers from its belly probably wasn't my best idea. Fortunately, the bird was shocked enough to veer away from the object in question before looking down at me angrily. It glared, and I gave it a sheepish smile in apology. It didn't appear the least bit appeased, the bristle surrounding its eyes standing on end in clear irritation.

Thankfully it didn't decide to grace me with its scat in retaliation.

I kept my eyes open as it continued gliding downward, not-so-silently praying that it wouldn't decide to try to shake me off. I could swear it had snickered as I tried to tighten my grip on its legs. Unfortunately, my hands were a bit sweaty which only served to _loosen_ my already tenuous hold.

When I saw the Thwomps with their menacing grimaces loudly slamming into the ground that we were approaching, I took another chance on trying to guide the Fluzzard. The down feathers slipped between my fingers, though, and I desperately tried to keep hold of it as it glided past them, taunting me with death.

It seemed to look down at me once we passed, a smug smile on its face. I glared back at it, and as it raised its head once more, I reached up to yank out one of its tail feathers.

_That _was a mistake.

As we crashed headfirst into a tall, thin stone pillar, losing all momentum and gliding slowly into the path of falling debris, it dawned on me that there are some truths one should never go about testing. My last thought as I looked up to see the instrument of my death was that I should never have plucked the Fluzzard.


	7. Slow Flowing Mud is a Hazard

_Disclaimer: I do not own any of the numerous Mario enterprises. I make no profit from this work of fiction._

_Reviews are welcome. I'd love to hear from you! Review responses will be posted on my Facebook page:_

_FB URL /pages/RogueMudblood/684906514892205/_

_Author's note:_ These chapters will be flashfics – meaning they're intended to be short (under 1000 words).

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><p>Mud is disgusting.<p>

There are some women who think plastering that stuff on their faces is a way to look younger. I suppose it's because it hurts when they pull it off, so they think it's yanking the wrinkles with it. I never noticed a difference.

But mud isn't gross because women think caking it on makes them look like anything other than the swamp monster. It's terrible because it's sticky.

There I was, riding along on Yoshi, having to defeat the infinite Lakitu clones, when suddenly one of those irritable Spiny things got the drop on me.

Of course, whenever anything touches a Yoshi's leg, the dinosaur rears back and dumps me on the ground. Happens _every single time_ and it's rather annoying. I've landed on my neck, on top of a rock, on a bed of spikes... If there's a horrid place for that dinosaur to drop me, he will. Once he even dropped me down a pit. I wasn't amused.

On this particular occasion, though, Yoshi reared back and dumped me flat on my back in the mud.

It's just mud, right?

Wrong.

I was glad it stuck to the Spiny's feet as well so it wasn't able to immediately impale me on one of its spikes. But the mud wasn't stagnant. There was a flow there, and the flow was headed off the edge of the earth. Now, don't misunderstand me – the earth _is_ round. There are just a lot of holes to fall into that don't seem to have a bottom.

Every time I put my hands under me to try to push myself up, the flow would dislodge my grip. I started flailing a bit, because even though it was slow flowing, I still knew that it wouldn't be long before I fell over the edge. One of my hands touched that Yoshi and he squealed, jumped, and took a dive right off the side into the abyss.

I rolled my eyes, still trying to find a decent grasp of the earth beneath me, liquid as it was, to push against and right myself. The Spiny seemed to be trying to back pedal as well, finally having realized that the flow was a bit steep for its short legs to fight against.

Finally managing to sit up slightly, I settled for reaching towards the small patch of grass I could see rather than trying to get completely to my feet. Sadly, the flow increased, pushing the Spiny more quickly towards me. The impact caused me to lose my balance, falling back onto the mud again.

I felt the mud seeping into my hair as I fought to stay conscious. Thoughts of the flow had left my mind. They swiftly returned when I felt the ground disappear from beneath my head and neck. I tried to sit up, but found I was unable. I went sailing over the edge and into the abyss.

My last thought as the mud continued to flow down onto me was to hope it would rain and at least wash the slimy earth from my broken body.


	8. Motion Sensors Are Evil

_Disclaimer: I do not own any of the numerous Mario enterprises. I make no profit from this work of fiction._

_Reviews are welcome. I'd love to hear from you! Review responses will be posted on my Facebook page:_

_FB URL /pages/RogueMudblood/684906514892205/_

_Author's note:_ These chapters will be flashfics – meaning they're intended to be short (under 1000 words).

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><p>Whoever conceived this was completely out of their mind.<p>

Oh, don't get me wrong. I really liked the not-having-to-fight-bad-guys-every-two-steps bit. It was the "jump this way and you have a platform", "jump this way and you don't" part that I was having trouble with.

If that were the only issue, it might not have been noteworthy. It probably wouldn't have caused me even a moment's pause. Despite my hatred for all things high, I've been jumping around for decades chasing Bowser – and that makes me sound a bit old.

Needless to say, I was starting to feel my age, dodging spikes while doing sideways backflips. I suppose that might have been part of the issue – I was downright tired. Absolutely exhausted from the adventure to that point, I was ready for a good old-fashioned nap, but didn't have the time to take one.

So on I went, jumping and flipping, hoping that one of the sensors tracking my movements didn't malfunction and not fire off whatever mechanism made the walls and floors move. Or, worse, make it fire off the wrong way.

Stopping for a breather, I actually found myself doubling over. I hadn't realized I was quite that out of shape. Having that thought made me look down at my belly and grimace. I stood up, bending backwards and stretching the kinks from my spine before leaning against the wall next to me. At least, I had _thought_ there was a wall there, but when I went to rest my arm on it, it had vanished.

I paced for a moment, not entirely sure what I could have done to make the wall move since I hadn't done any jumping. Feeling another kink in my back, I stretched backwards once more... And the wall re-appeared. I could have slapped my forehead with my palm for as stupid as I felt. Though it was nice to know that the sensors were responsive to my movements, I worried that they might be a tad _too_ sensitive. Reading a stretch as a jump could be detrimental to my health if it were the floor that were to vanish because of it.

Shrugging as I limbered up a bit, I pressed onward, more aerial acrobats getting me to the next place I could rest. I stumbled back a bit when I realized there were spikes on the ground where I had intended to land. Thankfully my rotund midsection didn't cause me to tumble in the wrong direction, and I was able to keep my footing.

Unfortunately, those sensors read my balancing act as a back bend. I closed my eyes when I heard the mechanisms fire that moved the walls out toward me. Raising a hand to pinch the bridge of my nose, I didn't even bother to move out of the way as the walls extended, pushing me from the narrow platform.

For a brief moment I considered the mechanics of a cartoon pinwheel, of flailing my arms and running in place in a desperate attempt to defy gravity. Feeling the wind rush past me as I fell and the force of the gravity well as I was pulled toward the black hole, I simply crossed my arms in resignation.

My last thought as I neared the void was that motion sensors are evil.


End file.
